Live in the Present

Enjoying life and sharing my thoughts
~ Sunday, November 10 ~

Living Moment to Moment

That has been the most predominant lesson God is teaching me. It is to stop trying to plan my future because it makes me miss out on the present. I try to live each day enjoying every moment as it hits me because I am realizing just how important that is to me and it allows me to be so much more thankful to God and to Jesus than I was before. I know that my future is unraveling just the way it is meant to in God’s eyes, and I surrender my life over to him because more than anything else, I know my life is much more protected with him. He guides my every move and helps me get through each day with a smile on my face somehow. I was recently hired because of him at a Job that I absolutely love, and I love it because I know it came from him. I am not perfect, I am having some issues in my life, but they aren’t keeping me from being so thankful. God is amazing and will always be at the center of my life.

Tags: GOd is good GOD at the center Love my life
~ Wednesday, September 11 ~

My PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) Diagnose.

So in lieu of finding out that I have PMDD I decided to just kind of explain what it is and what I deal with it and hopefully I can find something to help me deal with it.

So PMDD is basically PMS x 10,000,000. Now with me because I also have PCOS which is a hormonal imbalance my PMDD is a lot worse than other people.

My symptoms include depression that causes me to have bouts of crying and feeling hopeless, feeling like nothing’s right in my life and I don’t see the point on why I should keep going.

I’m irritable about basically everything, and I don’t want to be bothered by anyone. If I do have to be around someone I tend to start fights with them during this time.

I wake up feeling like there is a cloud over my head and it just becomes a snowball effect that the feeling just keeps getting worse throughout the day until I completely go off the hinge and just start crying and yelling at everybody and screaming.

Other symptoms include feeling extremely sensitive.. Like for me I would get upset over the smallest things like if someone was just messing with me or making fun of me in a joking way on normal days I would laugh it off but on these days it would really hurt my feelings.

If I’m talking and it feels like you’re not listening it really take that seriously and it hurts my feelings during this time. I’m also really sensitive to criticism and rejection. Someone can tell me that my hair looks messed up or I’m breaking out a lot or ive gained weight and I will take it completely personal to the point that I’m over analyzing why they told me that and questioning if they’re actually my friend or if they actually care about me.

I also get insomnia so most of the time at night I cannot sleep and by the time I do sleep I end up sleeping for like 10 to 12 hours and then I don’t want to get up for the rest of the day. It almost feels like I’m sick all the time during my PMDD.

I also tend to get really bad cravings during this time we’re all I want is cake McDonalds soda all the things that I really can’t eat because they make my mood even worse that’s all I want to eat and because I don’t let myself eat it most of the time I end up starving myself throughout the day because nothing else sounds good.

The past few years I’ve actually been getting panic attacks and really bad anxiety. I feel like I’m out of control and I have no control over what’s happening in my life.

I lose all motivation. I can’t cook, clean, do homework, all I want to do is lie around in bed or on the couch. I can’t focus on anything.

Its a lot to deal with and what sucks is for me it literally lost like 15 out of 30 days of the month. It may not stay all 15 days like maybe for 3 days I’ll have it and then for 1 day it’ll go away, then the next 2 days I’ll have it, and then 2 days it will go away again and come back again, etc.

I have found that if I change my diet and focus on vegetables and fruits and if I exercise more that can help. It also says to look for things that can boost my serotonin so I’m really trying to find whatever I can that is natural to help me because I don’t want to get medication for it.

I’ve noticed that there is a chemical in midol that completely calms me down but I can’t take midol for the rest of my life without it having affect on my body. The reason I’m feeling so glad I found this information is because I’ve lost a lot of friendships over this and I’ve quit jobs because of this and I always thought it was the other peoples fault because I never understood why I couldn’t get along with anyone during this time and why I felt the way I felt. I also found that taking Omega 3 pills helps and today that did help me because I was in a good mood all day. God is with me and I know that with him I will get through this.. I’m just so glad I understand why I get like this.

Tags: PMDD premenstrual dysphoric disorder
~ Wednesday, July 10 ~

God is Amazingly Good

It really is true that he is aways on time. I suffered so much the past months to year of my life but it was all worth it for things to be answered now. I just feel so good about life. I feel good waking up! And although, I still have a lot I am hoping to improve on, this was the best start I could ask for. Ahh I just love God so much :)

Tags: God is good answered prayers
~ Monday, July 8 ~

Good Feeling

I took progesterone For 10 days on 6/25 and found out that the Medication caused the anxiety so now l should be ok. l had my monthly today and took birth control pills.

I think it came from God but I recently got SUPER excited about teaching English in South Korea So that’s good… Also l Start my new Schedule tomorrow and I did a YouTube video Yesterday. Aside from feeling Abandoned by a good friend, l am feeling good. :)

Tags: progesterone south korea talk program teach english in south korea
1 note
~ Monday, July 1 ~

Anxiety Attack

I had an anxiety attack last night after my bf and mom got into a “disagreement”. It got so bad that I couldn’t breath and I started crying. I really need to focus on de-stressing and not getting upset easily. Good news! I got cramps and I am bloated so I will finally be getting a period soon :)

Tags: Anxiety Period
~ Thursday, June 27 ~

Getting Back into the Groove

So.. I feel off the diet wagon… and hit the ground HARD. I need to get back into a routine but I just haven’t gotten to that place yet. But starting today I am forcing myself back into it. I was able to see the Dentist, Ob Gyn, and Eye doctor so God is blessing me with all my prayers all in his time and I am grateful for that. God’s timing is perfect timing and I am learning that everyday. I know he has a plan for me, I just have to stay strong. For the month of July I am doing another fast. This isn’t one that is in the bible but it is something I want to sacrifice. Fast food. I am going on a 30 day fast food free eating. I will cook whatever I am craving. And I am avoiding all chocolate and soda as well. 30 days won’t be that difficult hopefully but I know I need to do it. I also need to really stick with a routine so that I am not wasting the precious time I have each day.

Tags: Fasting God is great God's timing
~ Friday, June 21 ~
Do not Give the Devil a Foothold

Ephesians 4:27

I’ve realized that I have been giving the devil SUCH a foothold this past year and a half. I’ve been feeling so bad about myself and wondering if God even sees me. I thought these were my own thoughts but it’s because I did not realize how Satan work’s.  I am going to focus on learned how to fight Satan’s thoughts in my head. I am so completely blessed right now. God is giving me time to work on myself before I get a job. This depressions is a set back of health issues, but these will be fixed soon too. I gotta stay POSITIVE and focus on the Lord.

Tags: Ephesians 4:27 Temptation

Things I believe God will help me with in the near future:

1. He will move me and my family out of Longview and closer to family

2. He will help me with my confidence (Help me clear my acne, fix my teeth, grow my hair healthier and stronger, heal my hand, get a period again, and lose 30 lbs)

3. He will help me, Jason, and my mom find long term jobs that will lead us to becoming financially stable

4. He will help me graduate with my Bachelor’s degree

5. He will give me the courage and strength to take the 1 year trip to South Korea to teach english

6. He will help me and Jason work through our relationship issues and get married near Disney World. 

Thank you Jesus for blessing me with these things.


Tags: God Blessings in the future God has a plan
1 note
~ Tuesday, June 18 ~

Today I’m not feeling so good

I just can’t seem to find any excitement today…I just feel really frustrated and I don’t want to do anything. I feel like im gonna be stuck in this position forever and all though I’m trying to stay strong and continue to lean on God I’m just having a really hard time understanding why I’m going through this and trying to be hopeful that it’s going to end soon.

Tags: trials Faith tested
~ Monday, June 17 ~
Someone is always going to be better than you. It’s more important that you continue to just do your best regardless of that.. Let your talent shine and not get diminished by others.
Tags: talent